Psychic Powers Don't Work That Way, Haruhi
by Dracobolt
Summary: In which Haruhi fails to gain psychic powers but nonetheless has an enjoyable experience. Kyon/Haruhi Oneshot


**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

First Haruhi fic. I'm excited. I hope the characterization and narration style are up to snuff. Comments would be hugely appreciated!

* * *

"Hey, Kyon, do you believe people can develop psychic powers?"

Out of the blue questions like these were normal coming from Haruhi. Like most days, the five members of the SOS Brigade were sitting around the clubroom, enjoying Asahina-san's heavenly tea and trying to keep ourselves occupied until Haruhi dismissed us. I was playing checkers with Koizumi when Haruhi asked her question, and the chief herself was sitting at the computer, researching who knows what - probably information about psychics, which prompted her question.

Of course I believed people could have psychic powers. One was sitting in front of me. "I don't think so, Haruhi."

"Hmph." She glared at me. "You always say that. I bet you're wrong, though. I bet I could get powers if I just tried hard enough."

So what are you going to do, run away and find a wise monk who will teach you the way to enlightenment?

"Stop jabbering, Kyon. You're going to help me." Haruhi stood and stalked over to the table. "Itsuki-kun, move over. I need your chair." Smiling as always, Koizumi stood up and ceded his chair to Haruhi, taking a new spot at the end of the table. He was no help.

"All right, Kyon, here's what we're going to do." Haruhi was addressing me now, and I reluctantly forced myself to pay attention. "You're going to think about something, and I'm going to try and read your mind. Now remember, you have to think about the same thing the whole time, or it won't work! And we have to maintain eye contact, too!" With that, she propped her elbows up on the table and cradled her chin in her hands, looking at me in a scarily intense way, like a cat about to pounce. With a sigh, I propped the side of my face against my fist and stared at Haruhi.

Almost immediately, my eyes started to water and I wanted nothing more than to blink. But Haruhi hadn't, and I knew that if I did, she'd probably grab my tie and pull it until I smacked into the table. No thank you! I forced myself to think about other things to keep myself from blinking or moving my eyes. Haruhi was still keeping up her dedicated stare, her pretty brown eyes boring intensely into mine as she futilely tried to read my thoughts. It was just as well that she wouldn't be able to. I don't think the thoughts of a normal high school boy would be very interesting to her, unless she picked up on what I knew of the secret identities of the other SOS Brigade members.

Thinking of the others, I wondered what they thought of Haruhi's newest activity. Not moving my eyes from Haruhi's (she would probably backhand me for that while my head was turned), I instead listened for clues. There, routine like the ticking of a faithful clock, was the sound of a page being turned - Nagato. Faint, cheerful, and ever-so-slightly off-key humming combined with the clink and rattle of tea cups - Asahina-san, the SOS Brigade's lovely maid. The sound of game pieces clacking against one another as the checkers were packed away and returned to their shelf, along with a slight (and slightly smug) laugh - Koizumi. As always, the other three were making no effort to keep me from the delusions of Haruhi. Still, it could have been much worse, I decided as I turned my attention back to the girl in front of me. Today my eyes would be extraordinarily dry. Compared to having to spend all my money on treats for everyone or engaging in humiliating, backbreaking tasks, this was by far preferable.

Where does she get these ideas, and why does she persist in trying them? The eyes are said to be windows to the soul, but as I focused on trying to read something of Haruhi through her eyes, there were no revelations. Haruhi was Haruhi; doing things like this was in her very nature, and this was what made her both exasperating and attractive. I leaned forward slightly, needing to change my position after so long. To my surprise, Haruhi seemed closer, too. Perhaps she'd leaned in while my attention was wandering.

There she was, inches in front of me, the leader of the SOS Brigade, the mysterious, compelling Suzumiya Haruhi. My rational mind apparently decided to take an impromptu leave of absence because at that moment, my eyes never leaving Haruhi's, I stood slightly, leaned forward, and kissed her. I saw Haruhi's eyes widen in surprise at this, but she kissed back for an instant before leaning back suddenly in her chair. Horrified, I jumped back, too, nearly tripping over my own chair.

"Kyon, what the hell was that?" Haruhi was spluttering as I recovered.

"I have no idea!" I exclaimed. "You hypnotized me or something! It was all your stupid idea!"

"No way! You were probably thinking perverted thoughts about your chief, and when I read your mind, I was confused by them!" Haruhi stood now. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then put both hands on her hips and glared at me.

My face red, I avoided Haruhi's gaze and glanced at the other members of the Brigade. Nagato was staring coolly at us, observing. Asahina-san was blushing and fussing with her tea set, obviously avoiding getting involved. And Koizumi, damn him, was smirking. I really wanted to pop him one.

"All right, you're all dismissed!" Haruhi darted over to where her bag sat by the computer and grabbed it. "Kyon, I need to go think up a suitable punishment for you!" Her face red with anger or embarrassment, she bolted out of the clubroom. I didn't want to stick around with a smug Koizumi, so I grabbed my bag and left as well, although I did wait in the hallway for several minutes to give Haruhi a headstart. I didn't want to run into her just yet.

However, the next morning, Haruhi was silent when I entered the classroom. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, though. I wonder why?


End file.
